Compromising

"We're not going tomorrow," I insisted yet again, stubborn.

Andrew had changed the topic for a while, only to bring it up again. "I can even walk without a limp," he insisted.

"You were limping this morning. Are you sure that you're not not limping simply because you're being stubborn and forcing yourself to walk normally so that we can go?"
" . . . That may have something to do with it," Andrew admitted, smiling at me with wide eyes, trying to pull an innocent expression to win me over. That or it could have been an attempt at giving me pleading "puppy eyes". I decided to try to ignore his expression.

"Another thing with not going," I added, giving Andrew an alternate solution so that he would be okay with not going this time, "is there's a dinner date dance night with the Orem Institute in November."
"Great!" Andrew said cheerily. "We can go to that, too!"

I shook my head, amused at his dogged determination.

"I'll even dress up. I can wear a cape and slick my hair back and go as a vampire. The kind without glitter," he continued. "I won't even need any kind of makeup, since I'm white enough already." I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder, not responding. I pulled away again, looking him in the eyes. His expression was still there. I turned away, trying not to let myself get worn over.

"You know you want to," Andrew pressed.. Leaning back against him as he wrapped his arms around me, I sighed.

"Ok, maybe a little."
"HA! See? I was right! I win! Even if only half of you wants to, ALL of me does, and that makes it 3/4 against 1/4, and majority wins!" He was grinning, triumphant.

Struggling internally, I turned to him. "You'll stop if your foot starts hurting too badly?"
"I may be a little stupid, but I'm not an idiot."
"Okay, we can go."

We're going dancing tomorrow night.

Normally Andrew doesn't have to try pressing at me to go dancing with him. I honestly love dancing with him. This time it was different though.

We had gone to classic skating a couple days ago and he had broken open a blister on his foot that neither of us knew existed. Consequentially, his foot was hurting him a lot.
However, I'm marrying someone that absolutely loves ballroom and loves going dancing. How could he pass that up?

First conversational debate results?
Both of us were silently stubborn.

Him stubbornly wanting to take me dancing, me not wanting him to hurt his foot worse.

After conversing for a while, we compromised.

Marriage is certainly going to be interesting.

Especially when we reach issues difficult to compromise over.

Finding the Sunshine

I've often joked that optimism is just in my blood; after all, my blood type is B+. Occasionally things will come along that will bring me down, but it usually doesn't take long for me to bounce back up.

Thank you everyone for your support and well wishes the other day. They helped, and once again life is doing much better. My mom made a comment on my last post, saying "today is inherently going to be better - because you'll find the sunshine - you always do. :)"

I did find sunshine. These were some of my sunshines:

My car is up and running again!! I'm seriously so happy that it passed safety and emissions and I was able to register it again. Now we just have to get my fiance's car fixed...

Did you know that true love came complete with tickle fights, thumb wars, ballroom dancing, jokes, academic conversations, shameless flirting and compliments, glidging, Lincoln Logs, Pokemon battles, hiking, and more? (He even helps with dishes when I get behind on them! Which happens a lot...) I absolutely had no clue what it was going to be like falling in love with this man, or what I was getting myself into. Love is different than how I had pictured it, and definitely for the better.

The temple is reserved, plans are falling into place, and the date is getting closer and closer. I'm marrying the love of my life and I couldn't be happier! Now, if only weddings would plan themselves...

The literal sunshine. It's been so warm and sunny lately that you almost can't help but feel happy inside. It makes me want to dance and sing and run and play and just ENJOY living! So I do :)

 
 My beautiful, beautiful, amazing little sister :) She came down to visit for the weekend and spending time with her and feeling her love was SPLENDID! I wish I could have spent more of that time with her, but I'm so grateful for the time I got.

There are so many more. Friends that have helped, family, and the many, many small pleasures that life offers. I'm grateful for a fiance that truly loves and cares about me, that has stood beside me every step of the way (since I met him), for both his and my family for their love and support, and for my friends that have never given up on me. I'm grateful for laughter, thumb wars, tickle fights, and smoothies. I cannot count the innumerable things the Savior has blessed me with.

Here's to looking for the sunshine! 

Just One of Those Days

You know those days where everything starts out pretty great, then something just goes wrong? Today was just one of those days.

Today started off as one of the kinds of days where you actually get stuff done. Like, bake a cake. Or make a giant cookie the size of a large pizza and frost it red (or more of a pink if you can't make it red enough) and cover with candy so it also looks like a large pizza. Or hang out with a friend. Or battle with Pokemon cards with your older brother and that friend. Or contact a seamstress to get your dress altered for a wedding. Or get some laundry done.

Or, if you're me, all of the above.

My day really was going exceptionally well. I was leaving with my friend, Carlin, to go drop off my giant pizza cookie at work, then take my dress to the seamstress I had called and contacted, and then possibly find time to donate plasma before heading off to work that night. I made it to Domino's and dropped off the pizza cookie and went back out to the car. And tried to start the car.

And then I tried to start the car again.
And again.
And again.

You know, it had driven there fine. It had given no signs of any issues before. But now it would NOT start. Two of my coworkers came and stopped and looked at the car. We tried getting a rolling start to get it to turn over and start. We tried SEVERAL ideas. NOTHING worked. I was also having a very hard time getting someone to cover my shift. I had to call and cancel my appointment to stop by the seamstress' house to drop off the dress and get the alterations done as soon as possible.

Honestly, I was ready to cry. I was so stressed out that it was ridiculous. My manager Ashlie was pretty much ready to let me use her car to close, but she wasn't sure she actually could let one of the drivers use her car since she was manager. I finally managed to find someone to close for me, though, and I went back to my car. Carlin tried contacting a friend to get suggestions on how to get it to start, but nothing worked. We walked across the street to the library, came back, and then finally got a ride from Carlin's grandmother. She dropped me off at my house and I headed to bed.

So, crying is definitely the worst invention ever. Honestly? Apparently feeling upset enough to cry isn't enough, because then you also get a headache, congestion, and your eyes get all red and puffy. End result, you look as bad as you feel. Which, if you encounter a mirror after crying, only makes you feel worse. Someone seriously needs to revise this invention. All it does is makes you go from feeling horrible to making you feel worse. It does help relieve stress, though. Somehow.

When Andrew got on his break from work he then got all of the texts I had sent him. He handled it really well, assuring me he didn't think it was my fault, we'd figure it out, and that he'd stop by after work. Honestly, reacting the way he did just helped reaffirm my belief that I'm choosing a great guy to marry. I'm so grateful for him.

Hopefully soon we can get everything figured out with his car. At least tomorrow is my day off...

And hopefully tomorrow isn't just one of those days.

Change

It seems like the only consistency to life is change. It's almost like God's way of making sure we have to rely on Him and forcing us to trust that He has greater plans in store for us. Sometimes understanding why things are happening the way they are is completely beyond us. We just can't see why things are the way they are while we're in the moment of things.

I guess where I'm going with this is how huge the changes in my family's lives have been. While not all of the changes have not been bad, change is still something that throws us off by a lot.

My parents are now divorced.
My mom moved to South Weber has started attending college at Weber State University (and is getting straight A's! I'm so proud of her!! She's extremely stressed out all the time now, though) and is trying to get into a competitive nursing program.
My older brother is shipping out to the Marines in a week.
I'm getting married in 9 weeks, and I'm going to be going through the temple to get my endowments in 7 weeks. Definitely not a bad change, but I'm not going to lie. It's slightly scary since I have no idea what to expect. It's also very exciting though :)
My younger siblings have all moved to South Weber with my mom. This means they had to leave all of their friends here, since they now live 2 - 2 1/2 hours away. They're not going to the same schools anymore, have to make new friends, and my younger sister is learning how to drive... Their whole lives have just gone topsy turvy.

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm 100% comfortable with all of the changes in my life. I honestly feel like one of the only stable aspects of my life that I can rely on without doubt is my fiance.

However, with all the changes going on in my family's lives, I can go back to the words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May and Love It."

The Pain is Fading

Pioneers Day has been a painful holiday for me for the past few years. On July 24, 2009 my father went to jail for hurting my mom. The memory of that day has always been a really sharp, painful, vivid memory that I couldn't shake. However, this year on Pioneers Day, as I was telling my boyfriend (now fiance) about the experience I had, I noticed that the pain wasn't as sharp as I recalled all of the details of that day. I didn't withdraw inside myself to hide from the pain, I didn't cry, I didn't feel furious at my father... I was simply revisiting a part of my past that has made me into who I am today. It was a sad memory to be sure. But it was no longer a living nightmare that I am trying to escape from.

This gives me so much hope for the future, for moving on, for forgiving, and for becoming so much more whole. I know that I am healing and that I am heading in the right direction.

I'm so grateful for the Atonement and for my friends that have helped me get to this point. Without them, I don't think I would be as far along in this process as I already am.

I'm going to continue healing. Someday I will completely forgive and move on.

For this I am grateful.

Photographic Memories

The Bishop from my first YSA ward, Bishop Newman.

My fiance and I :) I love him so much!!

My beautiful four little sisters :)

Rebecca took my place in the food chain. She's the happy smiling one about to be eaten alive.