Friday, October 7, 2011

The Pain is Fading

Pioneers Day has been a painful holiday for me for the past few years. On July 24, 2009 my father went to jail for hurting my mom. The memory of that day has always been a really sharp, painful, vivid memory that I couldn't shake. However, this year on Pioneers Day, as I was telling my boyfriend (now fiance) about the experience I had, I noticed that the pain wasn't as sharp as I recalled all of the details of that day. I didn't withdraw inside myself to hide from the pain, I didn't cry, I didn't feel furious at my father... I was simply revisiting a part of my past that has made me into who I am today. It was a sad memory to be sure. But it was no longer a living nightmare that I am trying to escape from.

This gives me so much hope for the future, for moving on, for forgiving, and for becoming so much more whole. I know that I am healing and that I am heading in the right direction.

I'm so grateful for the Atonement and for my friends that have helped me get to this point. Without them, I don't think I would be as far along in this process as I already am.

I'm going to continue healing. Someday I will completely forgive and move on.

For this I am grateful.

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