Friday, May 20, 2011

Dating Seminar

For FHE on Monday, my Stake held a dating seminar. It was AMAZING!!! :) The speaker was witty, connective, easy going, and sweet. She also knew her stuff - when she demonstrated, I felt a part of me inside going, "Sheesh. She's SMOOTH! I wish I could do that half as well as she can..." Maybe if I practice...

Basically, what we learned was some key psychology things on guys & girls, how to flirt, how to get a guy to ask for your number, how to turn someone down, and how to make sure we're dating rather than hanging out. We also learned how to seem confident & attractive to the other person, read body language to tell if they are interested or not, how to get out of the "friend zone" and become a gal instead of a pal, and how to not come across in a way that will scare the other person off. They also covered how to get the guy you are interested in to feel like he is competing for & pursuing you (see guy psychology #4 below) rather than you chasing after them.

Without too much elaboration, I think I can safely say that this advice works. As for what I have learned so far, here are the notes I have from the seminar:

Guy Psychology:
1. Men seek out relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.
2. Men develop love through sacrifice.
3. Men are largely logical about their relationships and commitments; thus, they do not commit easily to things they have not invested in over a period of time.
4. Men are driven to succeed, face challenges, compete, and conquer.
5. Men like women who like themselves.
6. Men love to be heroes.
7. Men like being appreciated.
8. Men like femininity.
9. Men like women who have opinions and assert their needs.
10. Men pursue women who are approachable and appear to be available.
11. Good men want sex with a woman who feels good about having sex with them and will wait until marriage.
12. Men need to be needed.
13. Men are repelled by criticism, nagging, and whining.
14. A man experiences anxiety in every conversation a woman initiates until she tells him what she wants him to do.
15. Men bond more through talking about things and doing activities than they do through talking about people, problems, feelings, or ideas.
16. Men adore women who give them love, attention, and affection.
17. Men are often willing to talk openly and honestly when they feel it will help them or another person to do so.

Girl Psychology:
1. Women thrive when they feel safe & secure.
2. Women develop love through sacrifice, but need men to communicate their needs if that sacrifice is to be helpful rather than hurtful and overresponsible.
3. Women often take a man's words very seriously, get excited, assume commitment, and then get hurt when he pulls away due to the added pressure.
4. Women are insecure about their bodies and fear competition from other women.
5. Women are attracted to strength and confidence. (Some women misunderstand this attraction and fall for men that are controlling, manipulative, arrogant & egotistical - make sure you understand the difference!)
6. Women are turned off by men who are too nice.
7. Women often fall in love with friends.
8. Women like to be pursued and to feel wanted.
9. Women enjoy touch, kissing, and affection but feel vulnerable and prone to shame after sexual contact.
10. Women want men who hold off sexually - it makes them feel respected and wanted rather than feeling like an object.
11. Women want immediate relationships, but trust and value slowly progressing relationships.
12. Women long to feel adored.
13. Women are repelled by moping, brooding, and the silent treatment.
14. Women worry - they need to know they are not alone in dealing with the problems of the relationship.
15. Women who don't trust and respect their men fall out of love, especially if there is no communication.
16. Women like gifts, surprises, reasonable spontaneity, and excitement - the extra effort makes them feel special (just make sure you don't try this too early - otherwise you are "too nice" and it turns them off)
17. Women would rather have open and honest communication about misdeeds than to be protected from the truth.

I will not give the best of me to those who don't invest in me.

Also, 8 Be-Effective Facts for dating:
1. Your situation does not define your value.
2. Confidence matters; fake it 'til you make it.
3. You're not failing in dating and relationships; your technique is failing you.
4. The more you practice, the better you get.
5. Faith works.
6. To be successful, you must recognize and invest in what you want.
7. The more deeply you sacrifice, the more deeply you love.
8. If he/she doesn't respond, someone else will.

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