Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dating to Find Real Love... Someday.

I'm just barely in between where no one wants to date me because dating has become "serious" and they're looking for a future companion and consider me "too young" or they're getting ready to leave on a mission. See, I'm 18. Everyone my age is leaving on missions. Everyone else that's in my ward or back from their missions are looking for someone older that will actually want to be getting married, if it works out.

Then there are the "lists"; what each person is looking for in a spouse. While it can be good to have a general idea of what you're looking for and know what you have found to be attractive in the past, it's fair to say that the odds of finding the "perfect person" are really slim, if not impossible. No one is perfect. Make sure that if you do have a list like that, you're willing to compromise some of the traits. Who knows? You may be surprised and end up falling in love with someone just a little different than the ideal person you imagined. I think that as long as the most important structure for a relationship is met (Real love versus interest, and the core values of what you're looking for) then with hard work, cooperation, patience, etc, it will work. However, it takes effort on the behalf of both partners in the marriage in order for it to work. One person alone cannot make a marriage work, if the other isn't willing to work on it as well.

I'm not going out of my way to look for marriage yet. I, unlike so many of my peers growing up, actually know I have never been in love, and have not mistaken really liking someone for being in love. The warm feelings you get from liking someone isn't usually actual true love. I am looking for something more REAL though, which would eventually lead to me being able to be married in the temple with a worthy priesthood holder.

To me, love isn't the physical aspect of the relationship. It's unconditional. You would love them even if you weren't able to physically express that love, you would love them even if they were to make a mistake. Loving is forgiving. Love is respect, honesty, trust, communication, patience, understanding, friendship, and hope. It's when you know they love you back. Unconditionally. And you know they'll never leave you.

My opinion is that you will marry your best friend. The person you end up marrying should be your best friend. I mean, that doesn't mean you're stuck with marrying who your current best friend is. But by the time you're engaged? That person should be the one you can talk to about ANYTHING. They should be your best friend. And, on top of that, the best relationships form structured around a secure friendship. Friendship develops into real love.

According to a class I took, this is the real love list (as in, real love, not the real list):

1. The person giving the love doesn't need or want anything from me.
2. The person is firm. He does no "please me" or do whatever I ask. He does not go against his own feelings in order to "not hurt my feelings." He is true to himself.
3. I know I am loved because he listens and understands me when I talk or relate to him. He takes turns listening and talking and doesn't tell me what to do or what he thinks until I ask and often I ask. He doesn't always agree, he cares what I think and feel.
4. He hugs me. He holds me. He takes my arm or hand. He is not afraid of physical affection. He doesn't use this for some deficiency of his own. It's never anything to do with sex. It's brother-sister love, human family love.
5. The loving person respects me. He makes me feel there is something inside me that "turns him on." It's a non-verbal thing; a certain "soft" look in his face, a certain tone in his voice, the way he sits or moves - it's all right there.
6. His love is permanent and sure because it's based on his feelings for himself. It's guaranteed he'll always like me, since he'd have to stop loving his own inside self to stop loving mine.
7. He wants to be with me.The loving person is happy when I'm near. He loves to be alone, too. He loves me more than he needs me.
8. I know I am loved because he tells me. The person who loves me is not afraid to say it. He usually tells it like it is; good or bad. You know he'll tell you "where it's at," because he likes the truth better than pleasing or displeasing you.

So, that's what I'm going to be looking for.

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